We’re always looking for ways to connect with each other, especially in our romantic relationships. Maintaining emotional intimacy is positively linked to sustained sexual desire.1 An easy way to increase intimacy is by asking questions that help you get to know a person better and as a result, trust them more and feel more comfortable being vulnerable with them.
What Is Emotional Intimacy?
Emotional intimacy is the feeling of being connected and understood by your partner. It’s a deep knowledge of the other person and what they find important. Their sadness is your sadness, and their happiness is your happiness. Achieving emotional intimacy also leads to developing and maintaining healthy communication practices.2 Emotional intimacy is only achieved through an investment of time and when both people are intentionally committed to the relationship. It can also suffer in a relationship if one or both partners becomes distracted for an extended period and are unable to tend to the relationship duties.
Benefits of Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship
There are many benefits of emotional intimacy but the largest benefit is that it leads to higher rates of relationship satisfaction and longevity. Couples who are emotionally connected are better equipped to handle stress and manage conflict within the relationship. While emotional intimacy can look different depending on the relationship, a common characteristic is that partners feel more trusting of each other and have a renewed sense of commitment to the relationship—even when they face conflict. Additionally, it gives partners a deeper understanding of each other and their individual vulnerabilities. Emotional intimacy adds to the quality of a relationship and aids both partners in feeling supported and understood.
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101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
by Norm Wright helps couples evaluate their compatibility through deep, introspective questions. It aims to ensure partners truly understand each other before engagement, addressing the high rate of broken engagements. The book also covers the difficult decision of calling off a wedding if a partner isn’t right for marriage.
Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner
If you’re feeling a little distant from your partner or just want a fun way to strengthen your relationship, asking each other thought-provoking questions can help build emotional intimacy. Make sure your questions go beyond simple “yes” and “no” answers, and set aside enough time to get into deeper conversation. Having daily conversations, spending quality time with your partner, and making time for intentional self-reflection can help alleviate relationship stress and grow emotional intimacy.3
Here’s a list of 50 intimate questions for couples:
1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married
Monica Mendez Leahy’s book aims to help couples build lasting marriages by encouraging them to explore important, often overlooked topics. It provides a reality check for engaged couples, prompting them to delve into their partner’s nature, lifestyle, and expectations through engaging questions in various formats. Topics include attachment to parents, views on flirting, and opinions on cheating on taxes.
Why Emotional Intimacy Matters in Relationships
Emotional intimacy, heartfelt conversations and vulnerability can help partners to feel more connection, understanding, and support from each other. While many people may equate sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy, the truth is that the two are connected but are also different in nature. Having physical chemistry is great, but real intimacy occurs when a couple learn how to communicate and can have vulnerable conversations with each other about their intimate life, emotions, and perspectives. Increased vulnerability means acknowledging our humanity and listening to our partner with an open mind.4
Every relationship has ups and downs. The people closest to us are most likely to see us in the moments when we’re not being the best version of ourselves. Having emotional intimacy can mean that you and your partner have an open and trusting connection. Asking questions and self-disclosing your thoughts, dreams, feelings, and emotions can help in maintaining a healthy level of emotional intimacy.5 One of the ways to preserve this connection is through maintaining an environment of mutual respect where both partners are willing to have courageous conversations with each other and dialogue about their differences.
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Monica Mendez Leahy’s book aims to help couples build lasting marriages by encouraging them to explore important, often overlooked topics. It provides a reality check for engaged couples, prompting them to delve into their partner’s nature, lifestyle, and expectations through engaging questions in various formats. Topics include attachment to parents, views on flirting, and opinions on cheating on taxes.
When to Seek Professional Help
Relationships can be challenging and experiencing a loss of emotional intimacy could be a sign that it’s time to reach out for additional support. You could try a self-guided couples counseling tool to help you and your partner improve communication skills, such as the Lasting App. Couples therapy can also give you and your partner clarity and understanding on how to better support and engage with each other6 and can be a great way to uncover hidden emotions and find out what adjustments and changes are needed to build and maintain emotional intimacy.
While there are many options available, consider finding a marriage and couples therapist that works as a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) or has received specialized training in couples therapy.7 A great place to start searching for a couples therapist is through an online therapist directory.
Therapy for addressing a lack of intimacy in a relationship may include:
Final Thoughts
Emotional intimacy is important to a relationship, and it can also be a strong protective factor. Maintaining a healthy relationship can be challenging due to external factors and stressors.8 Quality time and asking bonding questions are ways to increase emotional intimacy within a relationship and to help you feel more connected and understood by your partner. Without emotional intimacy, it’s difficult to maintain mutual respect and partners can easily become disenchanted, stressed, and frustrated with the relationship. Reaching out to a licensed therapist can help you better understand your relationship dynamic and identify additional tools to build emotional intimacy between you and your partner.
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